Monday, October 1, 2012

Fall Softly

It's raining hard outside as I write this, and it's a cool rain that announces the arrival of fall loud and clear. It's always been my favorite time of year, but this year it seems even more special than in years past.

There have been some disappointments throughout the year, but that seems stellar in comparison to so many years of my life where there were major catastrophes and devastating traumas. I'm grateful for some normalcy.

It looks like this is going to be one of those years where the first 3/4 of the year is taxi-ing down the runway, and the last three months are the takeoff. I'm looking forward to that.

Perhaps the biggest changes that have taken place this year are internal, both literally and figuratively.

My health hasn't been that great this year, but at least I haven't suffered from the "I-wish-I-was-dead-summer-flu" that I had while moving last year. I still am not sure how I managed to survive that.

I've done some refining of my political views as I uncover more information and reflect on ideology vs. reality. It has made for some stimulating debate, but the more red pills you take, the more alone you feel in a world full of people who are addicted to the blue pills.

Perhaps the biggest change in me has been that I have made room in my heart for true friends and family, and have accepted that some family will never truly be family in any sense other than genetic, while some who call themselves friends are not friends in any sense of the word at all.

Discernment. I'm learning it.

I've eliminated my tolerance for people who clearly do not care about me beyond whatever is in it for them. That's not easy, because I have a terminal sense of optimism that often deceives me into believing that people have better intentions than they often do, because my intentions tend to be good. Not everyone is like you and me. That's a hard lesson to learn.

It isn't easy to walk away from someone who treats you like a second-class citizen when there is something you feel you should be sharing with them, but sometimes it's for the best, lest they destroy that which would otherwise be shared.

I've found that there is room in my life for more than I thought possible now that I have eliminated some wasted space.

If all goes well, Booger will have a new brother or sister in the not-too-distant future, and the house will be filled with even more unconditional love. I'm excited about that.

Maybe I'm just mellowing with age, but I don't feel nearly as anxious as I used to about the future. Or maybe, it's just because I'm so tired all the time. ;-)

I'm not quite at the top of my game yet, but I'm on my way.

Leaves are falling softly with the rain, and I'm falling softly into place in the multiple roles life has called me to fill. Some were unexpected, but they all feel right, so I'm rolling in them like leaves and enjoying the hayride.